This last year has been a whirlwind. Both me and Josh had a struggle with our mental health & everything just kind of snowballed. I have been referring to THAT 6 months as the dark phase in our lives, but thankfully it started turning back around again at the start of this year – and now the future is very bright. I have also made some decisions about my future that were stressing me out. Best of all though, I have now been told that I no longer meet the criteria to have a diagnosis of BPD (I already knew I did not suffer from this anymore, but it was nice to hear off a professional). I also no longer suffer from panic disorder or depression. This is so huge for me, as I have struggled with my mental health for around 10 years now. Sure, I could relapse in the future, but me relapsing back into BPD seems quite unlikely, as I have now (through months of hard work) learnt to overcome the issues I had, had lots of therapy as well as medication reviews. I am finally no longer trapped in the past of my childhood trauma, something I couldn’t ever see me being free of.
8 months ago I felt like I would never be happy again. And I really do feel it now. I have been told by multiple people this week alone that I have never looked happier or healthier. I will be wrapping up my counselling and will be signed off from mental health services next month. It is definitely the end of an era for me. Thanks to my wonderful fiance, my gorgeous son, friends and health professionals I now know what it feels like to enjoy my life, and to be free of my past. There will always be ups and downs, that’s just life. But now I feel like I can cope with whatever is thrown at me. Onward and upwards from here!
On Wednesday we had a visit by someone who works at Portage (Integrated Disability Service). They’re involved with us because Lucas has a significant delay with his speech and his social and communication skills. It’s likely it’s attributed to Autism as it runs in Josh’s side of the family. He’s been getting a lot better since starting nursery but he’s still very behind in these areas.
The lady had an interactive puzzle board of animals (so when you put the animal in the right slot it makes a noise). She asked Lucas where the duck was and he pointed it out straight away and said “quack-quack”. He hasn’t done this before so this was huge. She then had picture cards and was doing sign language and asked him to pick out the correct item from 2, so “where is the ball?” Etc and he correctly chose the cat, dog, banana and car.
Then she done pretend play with him. Lucas pretended to pour out tea. Then used a spoon to pretend to feed the baby and pretended to give her a drink from the cup. The lady then shown Lucas a blanket and said the baby wanted to go to sleep. So Lucas unprompted put the baby on its back and covered it with a blanket. And again unprompted stroked the baby’s tummy. This made me SO BROODY 😂😂. When baby “woke up” he pretended to clean the baby and then cleaned the floor.
I was so massively proud of him. It may not seem like a lot to some people but this is a massive step for him. Every week now he is doing something new and I actually couldn’t be prouder!
I didn’t think I was going to make any resolutions this year… but I’ve been considering it today and I’ve realised there’s a few bits that I would have liked to have accomplished by the end of the year. Not a massive or an exciting list, but none of these are far-fetched and they’re all achievable for me and things that I want. These are:
- Finish my first year at University
- Start my second year of University
- Lose some weight
- Get another tattoo
- Read 40 books (4/40)
- Drink more water
- Complete my counselling